I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
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