I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
