my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
