with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
