Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Randomize
