I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Randomize
