ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
