You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
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