I don't think brook has ever known best
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
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