just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
