Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
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