After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Randomize
