Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
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