My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Randomize
