He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Randomize
