chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
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