But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
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