you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
I could have mohawked her pubes.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
