you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
No I am not eating basil off your cock
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
Randomize
