dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
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