Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize