woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
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