I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Randomize
