Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize