I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Randomize
