dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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