I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Randomize