Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Randomize
