Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
only if we run a train.
done.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Randomize
