I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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