OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
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