She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
