Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Randomize