dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Randomize
