dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Randomize