sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
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