why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
