he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize