Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
I am available for nakedness
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