i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Randomize
