I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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