I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
