yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Randomize
