We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
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