I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
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