I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
