hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
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