I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
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