dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
