People in love make me want to vomit
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
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