i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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