Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Randomize
