the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
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