I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Randomize
