I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
