If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
