Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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