I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Randomize
