Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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