i need an iv and a liver transplant
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Randomize
