if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Is her dick bigger than yours?
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize