I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
