You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
