SEEEEXXX PLEASE
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
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