she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Randomize
