she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Randomize
