What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
you mean i was at the winter classic?
people are starting to question the shark bite story
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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