I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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